New take on things...

this conversation changed a lot.

(i know its long but...)

[2008/07/07 10:09:09] Randzo says: tell me.... what are ur thoughts on booty calls? no not the classic type but… ie intemate moments with someone yet no commitments
[2008/07/07 10:18:00] Nick says: same as hooking up?
[2008/07/07 10:20:58] Randzo says: well ya something like that... its just... ya something like that
[2008/07/07 10:22:37] Nick says: well it's not good! y ask
[2008/07/07 10:23:48] Randzo says: think i'm stuck in something like that and just dying to let go or demand a commitment eish u men r so difficult. then they say we woman are hectic
[2008/07/07 10:31:05] Nick says: Ya, thing is it's a very dangerous situation , as one person can get really hurt, or it can lead to something else that u don't want to happen!
[2008/07/07 10:33:20] Randzo says: ya true.... hate the fact that i cant tell anyone about it so its just giving me sleepless nights. eish... ya ne... the things we get out ourselves into but then again knowing me... i could be stressing about nothing and the man could be getting to the part were he says he can't go on without me... so ya. :D;)
[2008/07/07 10:36:07] Nick says: well at least get to some agreement with him.... know where he stands and where u stand!
[2008/07/07 10:37:55] Randzo says: worried that i may ruin a good thing. thing is we were official a while back and well we sort of are getting the fire going again and worried that if we were to define it then things will go sour again
[2008/07/07 10:41:31] Nick says: well look! if your intensions R not just fooling around and neither are his, then u don't need to define it, u can just go with the flow, but if he decides to go out if it...... are u gonna feel like he was using you!
[2008/07/07 10:44:28] Randzo says: i already feel like that... (have u not noticed the huge Louis Viton bags under my eyes as a result of sleepless nights?) he does say how much he likes me... and we do talk for hours on the phone almost every night. man how does something so simple become so complicated...
[2008/07/07 10:50:05] Nick says: well ask him what he wants (but show him that u r willing to comply with that) but not the i will do anything 4 u! no! but like "i can adjust if thats what u want"
[2008/07/07 10:51:24] Randzo says: what if what he wants is this...
[2008/07/07 10:52:10] Nick says: like intimacy but no commitment....
[2008/07/07 10:52:21] Randzo says: yeah...
[2008/07/07 10:55:51] Nick says: thats hard. Does he understand that it can't last for ever...?
[2008/07/07 10:59:15] Randzo says: dont know. like i said the dude does say how much he likes me and he does take the time to call and talk for hours on the phone with me. we learning new things about each other all the time (well at least i am) so i dont know.... :@ i just dont know and am supper confused. suddently the bridge does not look so bad (u know satnding on the edge and all)
[2008/07/07 11:06:18] Nick says: eish..... i'm also confused...
[2008/07/07 12:05:20] Randzo says: imagin how i feel.
[2008/07/07 12:07:59] Nick says: ya.... go ahead....... kill your self
[2008/07/07 12:08:06] Nick says: Just kidding.....
[2008/07/07 12:08:33] Randzo says: ok look.... here it is
[2008/07/07 12:08:44] Nick says: ya what?
[2008/07/07 12:09:01] Randzo says: i'm going to brake it down to u
[2008/07/07 12:09:10] Nick says: plz do!
[2008/07/07 12:13:12] Randzo says: met a guy and dated for four months. because of reasons i couldnt control he broke up with me. things got awkward but l8a we started chatting again and getting comfy around eachother again. then recently (like 6 months after brake up) we start flirting again and joking around. then the phon calls start and they become longer that they were even when we are dating. we kiss. he says he still likes me a lot and i too. but he aint ready and is afraid of hurting me again. i get all that. now these kissing sessions become more and we start hanging out. we carry on talking for long on the phone and kiss more but we havnt toched on where all this is going...
[2008/07/07 12:13:31] Randzo says: what do u think. semi booty call or not?
[2008/07/07 12:37:24] Nick says: not a booty call! your are dating again, but don't wanna admit it! Booty call is when u have a GF on the side. and both of u are fine with that! .... i don't think that is the situation ... or is it?
[2008/07/07 12:43:42] Randzo says: wow. i have never thought of it in that awy "dating without admiting it" um...... u have just helped me make up my mind. wow thanks. and i aws panaking a while back. wow. the sun is shining (was having trouble seeing that)

MY THOUGHTS

so the whole of yesterday i was like a storm. all i could think about was what to do next... in the Gary issue i mean. i was just panacking and failing to enjoy the moment. after the above convo, i realised that i was sabotaging something that made me happy and the potential that it could become something more.

the man hurt me a lot and since we started talking again, i have come to understand a whole lot of the reasons behind the barke up and have felt so much better because it wasnt because of something on my side.

i have this tendency to always want to understand and define things. i usually push for things to happen and that has resulted in people being intimidated by me and people thinking i'm way too ambitous. that is what i tried doing with this. i do want more. and because of that i nearly ruiend what i have now.

dont get me wrong... i know i deserve more but for now i like this undefined, not serious thing that we have going and i am liking seeing him fall for me hard.

so there it is...