Why did i get married?

No No! not me - i'm not married but its a movie that i just watched...



Why did i get married?



thing is while watching i got thinking how important it is that you make sure that you choose the right partner. But tell me is it possible to get to know a person completly?



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You know i'm at a place where i'm wondering wheather it is possible to find a guy who is capable of giving total and unconditional love. By that i mean someone who is willing to love you warts and all. someone who will appriciate you for who you are and realize that without you they simply cannot carry on. Someone that will think... someone that will know that you are irriplacable. Somone that will want you and you alone because they realize that you are the best version of you that there will ever be. Someone that will love you so much with no huge reason simply because you are the best YOU that there will ever be.



Am i living in the clouds here or is somthing like that even possible?

Why did he...?

These days it seems like my world is totally consumed and enveloped by this dude.

Last week he kissed me...

Idiot me kissed him back thinking well this could be it...

he has realised thet he made a mistake by braking up with me and wants to change that. maybe he dosn't know how to say it and he kissing me is his way of saying "girl i'm lost without you"

So you can imagin the smile on my face after that but at the same time carefull not to look like an idiot or show him that i was over the moon. So I didn't even bring it up... we both just carried on doing what we were doing before the kiss and later i went home.

24 hours later i was ready to climb the walls wondering why he hasn't said anything. I couldn't say anything because it went two ways: If i asked...

• and he said yeah the kiss ment something then grate for me cos i have the man i love back but didn't want to seem despret


• and he said no then i would be stuck with egg on my face and depressed like crazy plus it would show that i was eager to get him back...

But well me being me - i asked... It went a little like this:

ME: "Hay how are y doing?

HIM: I'm ok. so whats up...?

ME: um i was wondering... why the hell did u kiss me? What did that mean?

HIM: um (sigh) well thing is it wasn't supposed to happen um well thats how i feel. i don't know how you fell? um (sigh)

ME: (tring to sound as not hurt as possible) oh ok no i was just wondering. man i have been going crazy. oh ok if thats how you feel then ok...

HIM: how do u feel about it...

ME: does it matter i mean if you have already said that then i don't see the point... um listen um i gotta go...

HIM: oh ok...

ME: um i'll see u around... bye

click....

Then i curled up into a small ball and went into deep depression...

I mean how much more am i supposed to take? This guy clearly is messing with my feelings and the last thing i need is for him kissing me and saying it wasn't supposed to happen....

DAMN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Little by little i satrt to loose it

So what does the term walk away mean to you?

I think I am finally done in this area. I’m not sad or upset in any way. Its just that that feeling of its enough now is slowly coming over me and well you know mos that I cant stop something like that.

I feel like I have taken enough now from him and because something concrete is not coming my way then I should move on to other things till someone who is ready and willing comes along.

I went back to my attempts to sow me a skirt. I cut out the material last night and as soon as I have ensured that my moms machine is working, I’m going in head first. Wonder how it will turn out.


SO I called him last night and something that has become a habit now is that I feel like it was so not worth it at the end. I feel like I wasted my time and that I shouldn’t have called. Its not supposed to be like that. Man this has been a crappy week.

I love him…
I love him not…
I love him
I love him not

Why?.....Why?

Tell me...

Why the hell is it so difficult to getover someone. I mean I am the kind of girl who walks away from things once they reach there sell by date but now here i am stuck on something that i can't walk away from no matter how much i try...

The boy (Gary) broke my heart yet everytime i see him i still wish that he would tell me that he realised that he can't live without me and tell me that he wants me back.

At this moment i'm not really sure how i would react, but thats besides the point... thing is i want him to say it so much it hurts.

Its strange because he is not exactly Mr. Ever so hot and oozing with sex appeal but some how he does it for me. I still look at him and wish that he would kiss me and hold me. I still go crazy at just how good he smells and ...

How the hell do i stop this hu?