I think this is it

a while back, i went on and on about how it seems like im just stuck. stuck at the Job. stuck at home and stuck with life in general. it felt like i had reached the roof and there was nowhere left to go but down where i would finally become like the masses - tiered and watching life move on while i sit on the side lines. that i would become part of the majority people that are doing life simply because thay have to and who simply go through the motions.

but i think thats changing. for the past couple of weeks, my senior seems to have taken me under his wing. he invites me to all these meetings for a new project, he fills me in on the progress and emails he gets regarding that project. its shoking yes but i think my potential has shined through and he has seen it. as we speak (write), im preparing for a presentation he has tasked me with - he has never and it is kinda exciting.
i'll fill you all in on how that is going.

on the love front well... i dont know.
little by little i'm learning of what a diffrent child hood my man had. from where i am, it seems like a troubled one (if i may say so). he tells of how he has had to fend for himself and how he has been his own parent for the longest time. his mom is around yes but thats jusr how it was... i on the other hand come from a family saturated withlove. i can skip a day out with the girls to chill with my mom and she and i laugh and joke around about everything. i have both my parents and i have an amazing relationship with them.
we are two parellel people and we are trying to get something going.

dont get me wrong.
im not saying its impossible or that im throwing in the towel but i am recogniseing the instant challenges that that posess. i realise that some of the things that are the driving force behind me (like family BBQs and weddings) are not his thing not because he is being funny but because he dosnt know of such things. the things that i may want to do that involve family, he find uncomfortable because he knows nothing of the sort.

with all that said - it just makes me want to love him more for for the longest time i was looking out for someone who would fall in love with me and not some idea o me or because of the things that they see and think i have. i have come to hate people who meet my parents, love them and from that decide they love me for hope that they can be part of the family. then here he comes, realises we are from diffent backgrounds, realises the challange he is walkng into and stll fall in love and wants to be with me...

how can i not love him...
this, ladies and gents, is it - my life finally takes off (a bit shaky at the moment but i know it shall be smooth sailing soon)

Could it be that I'm that type?

Ever noticed how these woman that appear to have it all - how they all have a major flaw in common? All their romantic relationships suck...like mine.

for a 22 year-old, i like to think that im pretty comfy. i have a grate job, with the potential to grow. i have grate parents lus an even more amazing relationship with them. i have an ok ircle of multy friends and i have the envey of my peers who view me from far and think i have it made.

everything is all rosy exept for one thing: my love life.
i seem not to be getting it. i seem to always mess up and that fear of messing is creeping up. could it be that im maybe not cut out for a relationship? also my bf is worried that we seem to have lost our connection... says he feels like he is not myfriend anymore...
is it posible that when we made the move fom being friends to lovers, somewhere there i lost the plot?

what do i do..... hummmmm what the hell do i do now...