Rocking into 2009 with a bang!!!

2009... wow. i turn 22 this year. man im getting old!!!

so as promissed let me brake down a couple of things that i walked in to 2009 with.

SHAUN: remember the thing was that come the 31st December, we would brake up? well our relationship flurished and we seemed to be more and more in love with every passing day. we spent the holidays together, finding time to be together away from families and friends. we spoke for hours at a time and had the most amazing make out sessions. everytime i would bring up the 31st he would clamp down and ask that we not speak about it then... came the 31st and in an sms, he told me how he felt. that he loved me but had things to do on his own. that just totally crushed me and took my breath away for like a minute becauyse of the realization that i was loosing the man that has reintrodused me to love.

i saw him on new years and we spoke things through. he was serious about what he wanted but not sure. that was reason enough for me to drop it and walk since he did have doubts.

now a couple of days in to the year and he has sent me mails saysing he misses me and that he loves me... but thing is, us ending things made me realise that i didnt really love him. what i was in love with was the fact that my idea of love exsists and he had reinstated it. i cried only once over the brake up but then the truth became so clear...

that i never really got over GARY

there were things that gave that away and i wonder if shaun or gary picked up on that. things like how i could talk on and on about gary to shaun but how i would feel so bad whenever i had to mension shaun to gary. i remember the time i told gary that i was seeing shaun - the look in his eyes broke my heart and i felt guilty about it for the longest time.

thing is the day he sat me down to explain thngs to me and i understood what lead up to our brake up, everything just made perfact sence and whatever it is that i still held against him left. then when he told me that he still has a thing for me... even though he knew i was with shaun and said he was just telling me just so i know, silently he took my breath away cause for the longest time that is all i wanted to hear him say to me. that night i cried once again because of Gary, but this time it was not because he did something to hurt me but because finally the man that i secretly still loved a lot finally felt the same way with out doubts. i mean why else would he tell me all this even though he knows very well that i was with shaun

so yes - in a nutshall Gary is in the picture once again but only as a friend. i have friends holding thumbs that we get back together. he still looks at me that way and he still makes my heart beat faster. i have gone back to walking into church and looking for him first.

were all this will go or end up is a secret that this year is still holding tightly...

2008 - the year that it was

wow so i started work today and im still tring to wrap my head around the fact that we are now in 2009. looking back at 2008, i must say that it was.. ah.. something.

Career front: i became more settled in a job that i started late the privious year. i made my mark in this industry that i had no clue about. i mad good contacts and am at an ok place although roiom for improvement and more knowledge is still very much strongly there.

personal

wow a lot happend here. first and so much stronger than the rest is the huge post brake up with Gary. for most of the year i spent it in limbo wondering and hoping that there will be a sequal to "us" and trying almost all things to ensure that there is. i had so many nights where i cried myself to sleep and so many that craved for his touch. then came the hate that had me leave town for a while. as the year went on it got better though because slowly but surely i got over him and moved right along. thats when i meet shaun. now this was something.
he totally in a space of a couple of days flipped my whole world upside down for the best. man now this was something. with him its like all the things in the movies that got me all looking foward to being in love, he did. the foot massage, the taking me to go see his favorite spots, the talking for hours about everything... the works. i loved being with him and everyday i found new reason to love him more. the way he kissed me.... that was something and always took my breath away.
while i was enjoying that... gary got serious and sat me down to explain a couple of things. things such as why he really asked for us to be over and just the emotions he was going through at that time. through this so many things fell into place and i got closure on a lot of other things. we after talking for hours realised that we were going through the same things, like how he would also wait at church, holding his breath waiting for me to walk in. (i did exactly the same thing). then he explained why he loved me and reasons why he thinks i would make the perfact wife for him. then at the very end, he told me that he had fallen for me all over again (yes the very thing that i wished he would do all year long but now i was with shaun who at the time seemed to be more in love with me than i was with him) that night i cried once again... (i shall write a post just to explain all this more)
then there was the drifting apart with my childhood friend. now this hurt because i could see it happening but could do nothing to stop it. we didnt fight or anything but it seemed like everyday, our intrests changed and completly contrasted. then she got back with her ex and i was the last one to find out. that hurt like never before.

then there was also the realisation that i am no longer a kid. my relationship with my parents became much stronger and they seemed to take me as an adult as well.

then the 31st happend and shaun and i broke up on new year's eve.

shooooo what a lot.

now here i am, well into the swing of 2009 and already things are hapening...
i shall follow up on the details of all this in the next post...