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Why is it that this man is the source of all my confusion and stress and agonies...so things are happening.We have gotten into the habit of calling each other now and I’m liking it big time. We speak for hours on the phone most nights (like Saturday night we spent like four hours on the phone talking about nothing really). I’m learning new things about the man and am liking how unlike the last time round he actually is communicating.He says things to me that make me smile.
Like when I have to get off the phone he would say "oh so now u wanna leave?" then I would say "no! its just that I have to get some sleep else I will walk around with all these bags under my eyes then no one will want to marry me then you would be forced to do so because you forced me into this state" then he would reply and say "well maybe that is what I am aiming for"
He came over this weekend and well things got heated. He touched me like he used to and he kissed me like I have always craved that he would. But...
... but why the hell do I feel so unhappy? I feel like I am just entertainment to pass on time because we are doing all this yet the other day he did admit that he was not ready and that he doesn’t want to hurt me. Then what the hell is this?
If I was in my normal senses - I would get on the phone and ask that he define what the hell is going on between us. But fact is I am not in my normal senses and I have this huge fear that if I push for a definition - I just may ruin this....
u know while thinking about this I got thinking of a time when my dad once said that if a guy is acting like this then he don’t like you. I mean if he did then he would not let stuff get in between being with me if he really wanted. And he would not be worried about hurting me because he would not be aiming at that. And if he did beyond his control then he would go the lengths to fix things.
do I like Gary to that extend that I would be willing to be used like this and not demand that he define what we have for fear that he might walk away...
I’m so confused...
Like when I have to get off the phone he would say "oh so now u wanna leave?" then I would say "no! its just that I have to get some sleep else I will walk around with all these bags under my eyes then no one will want to marry me then you would be forced to do so because you forced me into this state" then he would reply and say "well maybe that is what I am aiming for"
He came over this weekend and well things got heated. He touched me like he used to and he kissed me like I have always craved that he would. But...
... but why the hell do I feel so unhappy? I feel like I am just entertainment to pass on time because we are doing all this yet the other day he did admit that he was not ready and that he doesn’t want to hurt me. Then what the hell is this?
If I was in my normal senses - I would get on the phone and ask that he define what the hell is going on between us. But fact is I am not in my normal senses and I have this huge fear that if I push for a definition - I just may ruin this....
u know while thinking about this I got thinking of a time when my dad once said that if a guy is acting like this then he don’t like you. I mean if he did then he would not let stuff get in between being with me if he really wanted. And he would not be worried about hurting me because he would not be aiming at that. And if he did beyond his control then he would go the lengths to fix things.
do I like Gary to that extend that I would be willing to be used like this and not demand that he define what we have for fear that he might walk away...
I’m so confused...
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