HE Called...

So how am I supposed to feel now?

We had a braai (South African BBQ) this weekend with a couple of friends and Gary was there. I have been stressing about it for the whole of last week because I just didn’t know what would happen. Would it be awkward or would it be grate. So but anyway it happend and I am glad to report that it went well. He was there and so was I and we even got time to talk.
This talking now was different because we laughed and joked just like it was before all this drama started. I remembered all the things that I loved about him and he did the whole playing with my hair thing (which I now know that he never realized he was doing it). It was so cool and I really enjoyed it.

Then we nearly kissed...

I wanted to so bad. I wanted him to hold me like he used to and kiss me. I wanted him to tell me that he wants me back and that he has not thought of anything but that ever since he dropped me and beg me to take him back. Thing is I could feel that he wanted to as well. But we were stuck between the “should we or shouldn’t we”. The way I was feeling - even if it would have not meant anything I was supper craving his touch… his kiss. But finally he took a step and looked into my eyes, pushed my hair braid behind my shoulder and said “lets not complicate things…” hu……. Ah….

Man!! Eish. But it was cool. I got where he was coming from and I simply told him that I would see him around and I walked away… that is when my troubles started.

I got home and was in an ok mood. Knowing that the attraction was still there tends to put a high on someone’s mood. But then I woke up the next morning and I missed him so much. I just wanted to call him and say dude I still love you like crazy but I didn’t want to mess it up. (thing is I have a hunch that part of the reason that we ended was cause I kind of suffocated him and didn’t want to have that happen again. So I would keep my distance) this proved to be equally as hard as climbing Mount Everest. I wanted to be with him so bad it hurt. We had a family thing in the morning and came back later. But the feeling just wouldn’t go away so as always me doing things without thinking them clearly first I picked up he phone and called him (but of cause I thought of something to say. It wasn’t that major but at least I would hear his voice). But then he wasn’t home…
Damn!!
I tried two more times and realized that I had to stop else his roomy would think I’m a psycho. Thing is I know he is not the type that returns calls so that just made things even worse for me. Man I missed him!!

Time went by and soon that desire subsided mainly because I was worried that I would come across as a mad chic. I got a couple of books out and got reading and soon I felt better.

9pm and I got ready for bed… yes depressed as hell. Then………….
The phone rang…
It was him. We spoke on the phone for like more than an hour or so and it felt good. We spoke about our past relationship and even though we didn’t declear our undying love I did manage to get some peace from a million other things that I once didn’t get and hated about him. A couple of things regarding our brake up were cleard and I must say that I feel so much better.

I’m glad he called!!!
Wait that’s not even the grate part – thing is he called!!!