Explanation....

so i finally plucked up enough calmness to go speak to Gary.

:-\ he says it was all a joke and that they didn't think that my guy friend would take it seriously. the real story (regardless of all my secret wishes and hopes) is that one of his friends has been going on and on about me and everytime he knows that Gary will see me (we are in the same church) he would send messages like "tell her i said hi" or "pass my regards to her" so the guys thought it would be supper hilerious (and intresting in their messed up boring lives: according to me) if they got me for this guy.

now what gets me upset all over again is that why the hell would he sell me to his friends? i mean what comes to mind for me is "well guys i am done with her so who wants to go next"

i know that sounds crazy but think about it... would you help one of your friends to get your ex? isin't there an unspoken rule that you stay away from your friends' exs?

huuuuu! well i played it quiet well and too bad for me that Gary is not you avarage guy (thats why i fell for him so hard).

what happend is that i called him aside to ask about the whole thing. now as if something was working for me (or could it have been against me) but i have alergies so under some types of weathers my eyes tear on their own accord. so as we steped out my eyes reacted to the weather and as i was speaking to him (rather calmly might i add ) there was a tear running down my 1 eye and no matter how hard i tried it just wouldnt stop. so to him it looked as if i was crying abd because i was so calm it really seemed like i seriously was upset. i told him that i was diapointed in him and i thought that by now he would have an idea of what i'm all about. so all this time with me sounding all serious this tear just kept flowing strong and hard. then i looked in his eyes and said i was sick and tierd of being angry then, in my most hurt sounding voice, asked " how much more am i supposed to take from you?" then i walked away.

sho now that was intence. now i expected him to be all woried and realize that he has hurt me and want to make it up to me and all and that when he got home and call me but well like i expected deep down and just like his charactor - he didnt. you know sometimes i wonder what is going on in that mans head.

but either way i think i learned something from this whole thing: Gary dosn't care for me in a way that i would expect someone who says they love me to. he has never and there is no way he would start now. if in some twisted way he does then it is not in the way that i want him to.

in all the things he has done since we broke up 6 months ago (yes it has been that long: trust a woman to keep track) have just proven this point to me over and over again - how he dumped me then say he is battling to get over me, how he kissed me and told me that it ment nothing and shouldn't have happend, how he failed to just take me aside and say "i am sorry i broke your heart", how he has carried on to look at me that way and show a hint of jelousy when i'm getting on with other people and now finally this little stunt - i mean i guess i was right to ask "how much more am i supposed to take?"