the one that got away

there are times when it seems like my life is from those really bad sopies...

so i ever-so-clearly hinted to Shaun (ex) that i was seeing someone else. its like i had slapped him hard and told him i hated him. the look on his face - which of cause he tried hard to hide - was one that i had never seen. as i took him to his stop, he turned to look at me and softly said "I'm really happy for you"

then he went on about how it makes him genuinely happy to see someone he LOVES truly happy and that he could see he glow on my face.
now there something that i have never been able to understand with some of the guys that i have dated. look, i have had my fair share of people braking up with me because they have things and issues to ix up before they get committed into anything hectic. now, me being me, choose to leave because i know i deserve full commitment but not with out putting my emotions on the line one more time...
i ask: "should i wait for you?"
the reply: "no please don't for i don't know how long all this is going to take"
the reaction: heart brake like you cant imagine and a wonder as to how i could have been stupid enough to think that i could have gotten it right this time...

now the confusion comes in when i finally tell them that i have moved on (this comes from previous experience fro hearing that an ex i was still madly in love with had moved on and was in fact getting married on that very day that i heard about it. a not so very nice or normal person took it upon themselves to tell me so they can see my hurt reaction - which i too tried very hard to hide.) they all act like i have slapped them or cheated on them or something.

i got so upset, when a couple of day later, Shaun msgs me to say that he wishes he could kiss me just one more time. i got upset because what the hell does he want from me. was he not the one to brake up with me? was he not the one who was on a soul searching mission and was he not the one who positively said that i should not wait for them?
when i finally confronted him, he admitted that he was still in love with me. i told him that i don't want to hear it and that i had moved on and was committed to making this new thing work. (if he still is i love with me and hung up on me like i was on him then why the hell did he not ask me to wait for him? why the hell did he brake my heart when he still wanted it?)

I'm clear on where i stand and unfortunately for him i shall remain.... "the one that got away" because he let me.