goosbumps...

21/11/2008
as we speak (write) he is on his way back and i see him tomorrow.



so yes as you have guessed i have a million crazy thoughts and ideas going through my mind and it is driving me insane. at the very top (just as my luck would have it) is how huge i am.

i say luck because these days, it has come down to whether i feel like exercising or not but it always is a yes to an extra serving and the idea of a good take out meal tonight.

ok so i am as huge as a truck but he loves me right so he should not be able to even tell the diffrence. the plan is to blow him away completely and make it seem like it was unintentional. thing is i meet him after work and take it from there.

24/11/2008

yeah it happend and yes i did blow him away.

he saw me and was asking how my collegues treat me at wor and if he should have a little talk with me cause maybe they bother me - looking all hot and all.

we had a great time. the one thing that i like about him a lot is the fact that we can talk for hours and hours and still have like a million things to talk about. we had an early supper and talked. then we sat in my car for a long while and we talked. i accompanied him to his transport and we talked. now that im here i should mention how i absolutly love it when he holds me near and kisses me. he then tells me that he loves loving me and he loves me a lot.... (uh hu... u can just imagine the goosbumps that i got around this time). we carry on kissing and he tells me that he told one of his older sister about me... (ok like fear) and mensions a lot about how he wouldnt mind spending the holidays with me.

had i had anymore doubt that he loves me... well after this one on one, i am very sure. i love being with him and even though i have promissed that i will not think anymore of it while my friends keep sayn it, i cant help but agree that the 31st may not happen after all. but well i only allow me to think about it for like 2 seconds only.

this is insane

it has been 8 days since he left and he is due to return in 12 days

i feel like im going insane cause he aint around.

its strange how we wnt from sort of friends to lovers and the transition is good. i love every minute with him and when this thing ends on its set date... i shall walk away with 1) restored hope in true love and 2) a life time of memories from the guy who said he loves me and showed it.

i have decided though that when this does end on that set date... i am bowing out from the dating game for good (well at least untill i cant hold back). thing is, im thinking, how does anyone ever top this? is there something better than this? i mean little by little he is turning in to what i have been looking for and what better way to end it than with a very near encounter (to my defination of love?)

my friends keep on comenting on how it will not end but i dont want to set anything that high for fear of the long free fall. when push comes to shove, what i shall do is tell him that i am madly in love with him and that if his heart is still in it then i want to let it go further but if his heart is not or if he exibits any sign of doubt then i walk away.

will i get over him? i doubt it.

its crazy how perfact this feels.

its insane who comfortable this feels.

whatever happens on the 31st od December 2008... i will either way have moved in the perfact direction to a better, bigger and definatly sexier me!!!

Guess who's back...

life is sweet...





i just came back from a week's leave and i gotta say that it was good to get out of the city for a while.





there are new things taking shape in my life and i'm loving the change.


i went away with a kinda-new friend and i must admit i felt a little wierd about taking her and being in her company for a whole week but yo the fun i had was price less.


we spoke, laughed, moaned (as in complain - so not what you are thinking) and we did all the stuff that girls do...





then at a moment when i thought that things could not get any better than this, my man (oh sounds good to say that) says those three words in that tummy knotting order. the words are "I" , "LOVE" and "YOU"


i promiss you, for what seemed like a life time, my world stopped and everything seemed ok. then well of cause, as with all othere things in my life, i started to panic and completetly came up with the craziest of reasons as to why he could have not meant what he just said....





as insane as it was, i had three friends try to knock some sense into me via phone calls, sms messages and physical contact. i mean i was on the verge of deleting his numbers and moving to Alaska or something...





im much better now and i have spoken to him recently and he said things that assured me of so many fears that i had bubbling up in the background.


he asked of me a very huge thing and even now im still trying to get used to it...

he asked me to please TRUST him



those of you who have been following my love woes will now that this is a huge deal for me. i feel so bad that he is the one that has to suffer the effects of a cirtan good for nothing, energy consumeing, uncaring idiot who failed in love and only succede in the ratlings and misfortunes of my love life.

i still haven't said anything back to him in the sence of those three words but i have this feeling that he understands even though we have not spoken about it.

what gets to me though is how the hell all this is going to play out on the 31st of December when the time for us to brake up comes... confused? well read this: HOW CRAZY IS THIS

Gotta get back to work... ciao