What now....

i must say that things are looking so much better these days. its starange cause the urge to call him is not as bad as it has always been whenever i decide to walk away. my heart does still mis a beat when my phone rings and i do have this secret longing to just know that he can see something is up and actually miss me. but its ok. i feel no funny tension towards him or anything. i joke around with him and thats it.

yesterday at church i got so upset at myself because...
i got there and i looked dashing, with a short skirt and killer peep toes and i felt grate but i walked in and he wasnt ther. man that was a bummer. when i realized how much this had changed my mood - it was an even bigger bummer beacuse i dont want to do that anymore. in theory, i want to be able to look good just for me and my secret admires and not mainly for him. he came later and i did catch him looking at me twice. but i'm glad the urge to call has subsided and soon will be a thing in the past.

something else happend...

i met a guy. i know i know that i said i had left the dating field but this guy did something unique. he noticed my eyes and said they were pretty. he asked for my pic. he is an engineer and is kinda cute. he has this nasty laugh though and i dont like the shape of his head but its not a train smash. ok ok he has me behaving like a love stricken teenager but that ok.... i think i deserve a pick me up and well what better way to get that them from a man who met me for the first time and noticed my eyes. we met like three days ago but he has already called twice to check up on me.

ok ok i'll stop right there.