AS BASED ON THE COMMENT I GOT ON THE LAST POST:



we are brought up to believe that love like in the movies exists and that is what we should hold on to and settle for nothing less. just like Snow White's Prince, he should give it all for us to the extent of kissing our dead lips and declaring undying love to our dead self. and also just like Shrek, he should let go of all the stigma on how he feels about certain things and consider only the fact that he loves us. but we seem to miss other really grate important facts like:



1) the Princess loved the frog so much that she kissed it regardless of it being a frog and

2) it was Beaty's love the broke the Beast's spell.



you see, as girls, we should be willing to give just as much as we are getting - even more at times. the male species is not made with this "read mind" gene that we expect and just as much as we at times feel unsure, so do they.



this man is teaching me so much. he is helping me remember that i am me and i am an individual that exists and existed before he came along.

you see the thing that made sense to me was dropping everything for him. what made sense to me was being at his back and call at all times should he require. i mean after all my girls could not give that slight butterfly-in-my-tummy feeling that he had seemed to master.



the insanity of all this only hit home near our brake up when he coldly said that it seemed like i wanted things to move really fast. that it seemed like i wanted to skip all steps and immidiatly be at the inseprable stage. as hurtful as it was to hear that, it also opened my eyes to the fact that all the things that seem to fall into place in the movies was not the same thing in real like. thathe is him and has his own way of doing things.

in a future blog i shall lay out all the things about him that are... him

The Art Of Pace:

Don’t know if its issues that I have or if its general, I have a thing whereby I just want to spend most of my time with him. Even though I am well aware of the fact that I could smother the poor man, I still have that huge need. I think the thing about us girls is that we tend to fall hard and very fast all at once that we tend to sometimes skip a couple of the essential steps, like giving him the opportunity to miss you (maybe that would explain why there are so many articles on this very topic in woman magazines. Someone out there who has figured it out is working hard to stamp it in our minds).
You know mos what I mean. Waiting by the phone every night with bated breath just waiting for it to ring and be him telling you that all he could think about was you (all those lies that we girls at times want to hear).

Well here I am stuck with a man who knows these are lies and what’s more will not even entertain them. I mean the other night we had this huge discussion on that Gerald Leveret song “Mr too damn good” where my man felt why would he want to lie to me so much by telling her that he would my “stars and my moon, the smile on my face, be my favourite tune…” or even “be our everything, your everything”… huh hu hu can you believe that!!!

Ok ok so that’s a new topic on its own. Back to the one at hand…

I used to get so upset if like two days went by without him calling (and I don’t wanna call cause I was the last one to call and with a sense of pride, don’t wanna seem like I'm sitting around waiting for his call which I am but he doesn’t have to know that). I would then get on some “oh he don’t wanna talk to me today! Is that it?!”
Then I would do what every sane woman does in situations like these, call up the girls and moan about it…
Then after some jumping around and a whole lot of performing, finally decide to ignore him like the plague and make him suffer like he has made me suffer.

Then, on a simple afternoon while with a bunch of other people, he calls. Tells how his day was, asks how mine was. Tells me he misses me and that he just wanted to say hi….

You see – all I had to do was wait.

By going ahead and living my life the way I have always and doing the crazy with my girls, not only do I not scare him away by crowding him and making him feel like my world revolves around him, and by experiencing a whole lot of other things to tell him about later but I also allow him time to realize that I do have another part of me, an even exciting one that he has to work really hard to be a part of. When we do get together to do whatever, he does make sure I feel all the love… a whole lot of it and once again on my planet of dramas, there is peace and calm until a new storm of happenings rolls in again…

I think i'm getting the hang of this...

so there i was at the beginning of this thing on some new level on the who's and how's of my reborn relationship.

there was a time when it seemed like we both were fooling ourselves for believing that we could give it another shot, i mean i went through moments when i could have sworn that i could feel nothing from his side anymore. then he would not call for a while and i would loose it.

but all this, at the end of this semi hectic time frame, has taught me that i still have a whole lot of individual growing up to do. you see, the thing about us girls is that once we meet that guy we think is our "soul mate" we get into this movie like state where we have to spend every waking moment with them. where they have to at all times be telling us all these amazing things and not get enough of us and think we are way better then their mothers. that is so wrong.

see the thing that all those intelligent people have been trying to say is that you have to have a life of your own outside the "we", that way you have so much more to give to make the "we" even so much better.

i mean think about it for a moment. if you really were to spend every waking moment then hell would you not bore each other to death? even worse, would you not run out of things to say?

i say all of this cause this is a new lesson that i have been taught.

he didn't call for a while. he didn't sms. me of cause lost it and claimed that he had stopped loving me for good. when he finally did call, all he said was a lousy "hi" and turned down my offer to come over. i. of cause was crushed and ready to find me a rebound until we had one of the most romantic dates ever where he held me close, kissed me and proudly showed affection in public. yeah yeah so i fell in love all over again...

so you see.

after this eventful happening (lol) i have decided to focus also on other parts of me like try school again, finaly get my hobby off the ground and loose some damn weight then when we do spend time together, go all out and slowly but surely allow im a place in the many dimensions of me...

the one that got away

there are times when it seems like my life is from those really bad sopies...

so i ever-so-clearly hinted to Shaun (ex) that i was seeing someone else. its like i had slapped him hard and told him i hated him. the look on his face - which of cause he tried hard to hide - was one that i had never seen. as i took him to his stop, he turned to look at me and softly said "I'm really happy for you"

then he went on about how it makes him genuinely happy to see someone he LOVES truly happy and that he could see he glow on my face.
now there something that i have never been able to understand with some of the guys that i have dated. look, i have had my fair share of people braking up with me because they have things and issues to ix up before they get committed into anything hectic. now, me being me, choose to leave because i know i deserve full commitment but not with out putting my emotions on the line one more time...
i ask: "should i wait for you?"
the reply: "no please don't for i don't know how long all this is going to take"
the reaction: heart brake like you cant imagine and a wonder as to how i could have been stupid enough to think that i could have gotten it right this time...

now the confusion comes in when i finally tell them that i have moved on (this comes from previous experience fro hearing that an ex i was still madly in love with had moved on and was in fact getting married on that very day that i heard about it. a not so very nice or normal person took it upon themselves to tell me so they can see my hurt reaction - which i too tried very hard to hide.) they all act like i have slapped them or cheated on them or something.

i got so upset, when a couple of day later, Shaun msgs me to say that he wishes he could kiss me just one more time. i got upset because what the hell does he want from me. was he not the one to brake up with me? was he not the one who was on a soul searching mission and was he not the one who positively said that i should not wait for them?
when i finally confronted him, he admitted that he was still in love with me. i told him that i don't want to hear it and that i had moved on and was committed to making this new thing work. (if he still is i love with me and hung up on me like i was on him then why the hell did he not ask me to wait for him? why the hell did he brake my heart when he still wanted it?)

I'm clear on where i stand and unfortunately for him i shall remain.... "the one that got away" because he let me.