The grass IS greener on the other side

i must say the the road to healing is an amazing one.

i look back now on a couple of weeks ago and i could have never known i would ever make it to where i am now. back then i could just see black with no cahnce of being happy real deep down. these days, whats important to me is to embrace all the things that mean the most to me. things such as family and friends. i have decided to make as much memories as possible and get this thing called my life moving...

i met a guy...
now i dont want to get too ahead of my self and go on about just how much i'm in love and cant imagin the rest of my life with out him but its a start. if there is something new that i have learned from the last time its that i should let everything happen at its own pace. i have a tendency to want to move things along and let them happen faster but that has only lead to things happening without intending to and that brings all these unsure things and later into a realization that this is not what we really want. SHO!!

look for all we know it could turn out to be nothing but if it were to become something... i think i would want to let him take full control with how things should go and make sure what it is that he is looking for.

Do or die...

Its finally here...


the day when i will see my ex after all this time. today will be the true test as to wheather i am over him or not. i remember Madea tell Helen in "diary of a mad black woman" that you can tell if you are over someone when you dont take an oportunity to get back at them when one comes up. Wonder what i will do...

well i know for a fact that i am not over the dude thats for sure but now how much of an impact will it make when i see him? what will be his reaction? did he miss me? do i want him to miss me? what do i want?

...

Finally...

wow i never thought it would happen but it has finally.

i woke up this morning and i realized just how so much happier i am. i smile from the bottom of my heart and i laugh out loud at the things that are simple. i'm loving every minute of this...

is it temporary? well i dont know because i realize that even though i am on a high now i know that there will come something that will nock me off again then i will be back to my doom and gloom days. but well untill then i know i am happy now and plan to keep it that way.

i cant remember when last i felt this amazing... wow!!

Realization

Hello world

i just came back from a well deserved leave from work and i took a long trip away so that i can clear this head of mine. it did a whole lot of good plus i came to realize a few things and accepted a whole lot.

have you ever realised that our emotions don't understand our language? i mean think about it - why is it that we always fall for the that guy that we dont want to fall for or even that guy who we know will never look our way (ie: celebs).
in my case i have seen that while i try by all means to get over this guy i just seem to have some stuff that i hold on to. i mean in what language should i shout it to my emotions that its time to move on. i wanna go explore new things and new people but not in the opinon of my emotions. they still want to hold on to this looser and still think he is God's gift to woman.

i also decided not to fight it. i mean as much as i wouldn't want to admit it - i still like him a lot and still think he is very hott (even though i haven'y seen him in a while. i hope he got in the line of something nasty and has this huge scare doen his face that makes him look like a freak). what i am tring to say is that i think will be so much easier if i accept that i still have the hearts for him and believe that they will fade away soon.
CONFESSION: i now that this sounds nasty and psyco but i'm not sure how i will react or what i will say if he asks me to give it another shot. i mean he still has all the things that i fell for and even though i know now his negetive traits but none of them have turned me away. my emotions simply dont get it.

i also realized that i am way too beautyful and hot to waste my time pinning for something thats gone. i know though that i want to refarin from dating for a while now while i find my ground again i'm moving on in life and a dull mood is not part of the package.

therfore raise it up... TO A YEAR FILLED WITH A WHOLE LOT OF LOVE, LAUGHTER AND HOTT INCOUNTERS.