Today was a bad day...

i woke up this morning and i was angry...

when will it stop?

i was angry because i saw him the previous day and i was nice. i didn't say much to him but for the fact that i smiled said hi and walked away. i hate the fact that we carry on as if nothing is happening. i hate the fact that i still waste my niceness on scum like him. i wanted to see him and show him that i hate him. i wanted him to see that i was angry and that it was all his fault.

i went out on saturday for a hang out session with friends and even though it was good company and a whole lot of laugter i could not fully be free and enjoy it because i was so angry (didn't show it to the people that i was with though)

What does the word betrayal mean to you...?

for the past two days i have been in an emotional hell and slowly but surely am finally packing my bags to leave that place.
i walk around in a constant sate of near tears and everytime i see an act of betrayal - weather it be on TV or in real life - i feel the tears well up. (i have even stoped wearing eye makeup for fear that i will end up looking like a freak).


i hate him... i hate so much it hurts. i just dont get it. is this how it feels to be cheeted on. i mean i feel like i have been because he said he still loves me. he kissed me...

How do we move from there to him likeing someone else. not only like but even making a move. is it not me that he likes. is it not me that he loves?

IDIOT has done it for the last time...

I am a 21 year old succesfull girl who has obtaind a lot more then some of my peers. I work and have a car. I live on my own in a cottage at the back of our house and earn enough for a comfortable life. i have tons of friends and a few really close ones that i love to bits... i'm layd back, i love hard and i laugh loud. I have crazy hobbies and food is one of the most important things in my life... Basically i am healthy, loud and enjoy it all

here is what i dont understand - how is it possible that i am stuck on some idiot who obvously does not get my worth? I know i give my all in all my relationships with everyone and i gave him the best.this dude has found ways to brake me down and still keeps a smill on his face..

he broke up with me cause he has issues that he needs to get sorted and doesn't want me caught in the middle. i understood all that and thought the world of him cause he thought of my feelings. anyway so it carried on - me still going goo goo gaga over him and having it in my head that the man loves me. man was i wrong

RECENTLY: told me last week that he still thinks i'm hott and gives me a look (i go weak at the knees) so i'm thinking damn this dude still really loves me hmmm i wonder if he has his issues sorted out. at the same time there is this girl that he is constantly hanging with but now this girl is a visitor and i know the last time she was after another friend of mine. so i'm thinking that skank how dare she thinks she will get her nails in my man. anyway so i start a personal hate parade against this chick.

then today it all falls into place - so i'm chatting to one of his friends (the friend that this girl wanted the last time she was here) via IM and i innosently ask if he is going to make a move on her this time around and he says he is not intrested (i'm jumping for joy inside going - there u go u little *it** - no one wants you). he carries on saying that IDIOT commented that he is letting a good thing go - refering to this girl. so again i ask innosently. well what was IDIOT tring to say and he lays it down... tells me that he ment that he was going to move in. i send a supprised IM back and a smile to say oh well whatever but inside the power goes off. i'm thinking WHAT!!! thats just not possible because this IDIOT just dropped huge hints that he still likes me just last week. how could he be making a move.

So i'm at the office with tears welling up then i remember that oh crap i have eye liner on meaning if i shed even a drop i risk looking like a racoon later. So what does a gir do in times like this hu... the idiot was already making a move when he was giving me goo goo gaga looks.

i hate him so much right now - i really trully hate him

man are such doggs and thear is no hope for him... but man it is on... i will make him wish he had never and it will be so suttle it will knock him right away.

PS: IDIOT refers to Gary