so much for a grate year....

it seem like once this year took off... there was no turning back

i have just been so caught up ... ok ok and a little lazy to write nything - but then again what is there to write when your life has reached the low that mine has.

so in the past couple o weeks i have found out that the people around me mostly have me aroun just so they can take something from me. now this is in the form of my time, advice, transport, friendship and sometimes even money.
dont get me wrong, the above is ok for friends because thats what this friendship thing is all about but now the problem comes in when all they do is take and take and take till i just dont have nymore to give.
i believe the process works this way: just as much as i am there for them for everything (ie: man trouble, complains about their crappy life, the occational treat to ice-cream when they need it, the boring hangout and the grate hangouts etc...) i expect that they also be here for me.

instead i get the constant reminder that im not like them and that i have a perfact life (i mean can these people not see my despret craving for a man who will love me for me and not what i have and the constant battles with the extra weight that i carry around and my unbelievable need to leave this place like soon). i look around me and should i ever have a brack down and need a shoulder to cry on, there is actually no one that actually would come thorough because hay remember - i have a perfact life.!!!
__________________________

this is not how it was supposed to be. this is not how i had imagined my life would be like when i finally do turn 21. come to think f it, according to my life plan, i am to get married next year to that man who loves me unconditionaly. i was supposed to have a huge circle of friends, have an amazing man be in the proces of leaving home and basically have a blast. my friends and i would have that amazing friendship that would be envied by many and whle the group would be tight, it would always have room for one more. we would have this amazing support for each other and while at times we may never fully understand the things gin on it each otheres life, we would always be there to provide a helping hand in whatever at all times (sometimes even to the extent of driving all night just so we can maake it to Heather's interview in another province)
_____________________________

instead i sit here with a feeling of being used. i sit here feeling like the only time they even remember that i exist is when the need something....