For the past 3 weeks i have been tring to deal with a brake up to a guy that i had convinced myself was it. i'm not the type to be depended and crave for people to give me attention in order for me to feel complete but with this guy things are not what they always are with me.

I woke up this morning and i was irritated that my first thought (after wishing that my alarm clock was wrong) of the day was him. I see him every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday evening and i wished today was Tuesday. I thought that my life was terrible because from today to get to Tuesday, I would have to go through Monday at work, Monday evening at home and Tuesday during the day at work again. Is it even normal to crave attention from an ex in this kind of way? ...

We didn't fight or anything but he broke up with me because he has so many other issues going on that he needs to deal with that it resulted in him neglecting me. He said this was for the best because he dosn't want to hurt me. At the time i thought well that it was cool then because the last thing i need is to be carring someone's baggage on issues that i know nothing about so i agreed to it. Was it a mistake on my part to just let go just like that? Some days the answer to that question is clear and straight foward but on most - I'm confussed.

HELP! ANYONE!

To my girl...

Life Lesson

At a mere 20 (soon to be 21) i'm learning a whole lot as i move to make a mark on my planet. Some of these lessons come in a form thats very hard to swallow...

A while back i fell for the guy (Gary) that one of my best friends (Candice) was crazy about. To my secret plessure, the guy was crazy about me and i knew right then and there when he asked me out that there was no way i would say no. best friend? what best friend? she would understand...

Well she did and no sooner when he said he liked me, i was hooked on his arm with no chance of letting go ever.I could now take over the world. we made magic cause the attrection was unbelievable. I mean this was the first time ever that i felt so much for a guy in such a small space of time and i loved every minute of it. He would touch me and my skin would get goosebumps - thats how intense it was. Well at that time little did i know that he was going to teach me a damn amazing lesson - one that i would never forget.
I kept our relationship a secret from my other friends but Candice and well went through the emotions of wanting to share every moment with my girlfriends. I would talk to Candice none stop about him neglecting the fact that this was the man that she had here future set on. My thoughts went something like this:
"Well Candice said she was ok with us dating and why not take her word for it. Besides
she is the only one who knows about us - who else am i supposed to talk to?"
Now thinking back I wander what went through her mind when i discussed how he swept me off my feet with our first kiss and the many more kiss-a-thons that we had. It must have been hell but as a true grate friend she sat back and let me go on and on. Till that day finally came...

This guy dropped me just out of the blue and guess who is the first person i ran to.
I went ther feeling both ashamed and emarrased that i was going to someone who not so long ago i was willing to forget about just because of some guy. To make things even worse for the poor pathetic inner me, she welcomed me open arms and helped me throughthe emotions.

So now you tell me how the hell do i repay that kind of friendship hu? Here you have someone who totally put her feelings and happiness aside for me and even when it all blew up in my face never once turned around and say "You deserve it you b***h"

LIFE LESSON
When i call you my friend, that means that the very thing that i expect from you i should be willing to give selflessly - no side issues.
Friendship does run much deeper than most things and it is that kind that we need to hold on to.

I'm still looking for some way to let my girl know that i really do appriciate that.

Friendship or Happiness?

So you tell me...

Between happiness and friendship what would you choose?
I find myself at a point in my life where two very important things in my life are going head to head. Ok so lets brake it down...

My friend (we'll call her Candice) admitted recently that she liked this one friend of ours (we can call him Gary). Now i need you to understand - this was not any old simple crush - it was the real thing, you know the fantasies, the wishes and hopes, the nervousness and totally shuting down whenever he was around. she had it like realy bad!! in fact i think this was it - her first real love.

Then there is Gary. Grate guy with all that a girl could ever be looking for in a guy. well ok all that i was looking for. He is unique. He is unpredictable and funny plus i like the way in which he can call a spade a spade.

So ok i - out of the goodness of my heart - decided to hook them up. But now this was like mission impossable because these are like two totally diffrent people and well to put it straight - GARY SIMPLY DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THAT CANDICE EXISTED.
But now problem is this dude is showing an intrest in me and well me being single since the prehistoric times fall for him as well and really badly. And as bitchy as it sounds i was convinced that this was it for me. So imagin the situation here - my friend on one side is going on and on about how much she would love to be with this guy while on the other side this guy is making huge passes at me and me secretly wanting him as well.

So ok as a real friend i should supoport her and try and help her get this dude but at the same time as a hot blooded woman here is a grate guy throwing themselves at me and i want him too. So what do I do - choose friendship or My own Happiness?