Now i know but question is... "what do i do about it"

hola...

the past few weeks have been crazy - filed with pain, hurting and a whole lot of tears.
see, my other half has bot changed for the better. instead he has gotten worse and it dosnt look like its going away anytime soon.

so me being me, there i went on a mission to find the issue and sort it out. i spoke to friends and him and it wasnt till this passed sunday that the tiny spek of light appeard in this long dark tunnel i've been in for too long.
i have a friend and she was diagnossed with depression a little while back.we spoke a long time on the phone and as she went on to tell me all that she had been through before and directly after her dignosses, the more the tears just welled up and kept on comming.
see, all the things that she says she did and felt are exactly what my man is doing.
the more she spoke the more i realized that all the things that my bf had been going through are not because he was being an ass or something or maybe even that there i something wrong with me. my man is sick and cant controll his actions: he is depressed or atleast at the begining stages of it.

i know this and have been reading up on it. thing is, he dosnt know that that is what is wrong with him (to him, he is a worthles individual who is not good enough for me or anything).

so now, the question remains "what do i do about it"
"try and help him!" i hear you shout?
well how cn i when he makes it so dfficult for me to se him and i dont wnt to talk about this over the phone...

Happly ever after is not real...

Letter:

Dear_____________

Wow where do I start…

As strange as it may seem but I believe in fairy tales… or at least I used to.

To me what has always made sense was the idea of happily ever after, you know the guy meets girl and falls madly in love with her. He shows her, as impossible as it may sometimes seem - that they belong together. She agrees and they live happily ever after.

Now I have let that idea go with me through life and it has helped me stand up and dust myself off and try again every time when I have had my heart broken. I say it may seem strange, because to many, something like that is impossible. In the tale, the man goes to all lengths for the woman who he loves and he falls in love with every little thing that makes her up. He loves the way she smiles and the way that she looks when she is upset. He falls for the way she gets so worked up over the smallest of things or the way that she cracks up at the most stupid yet insignificant of things. He loves the way she calls him like 10 times a day and never gets tired of it. When she is unhappy he becomes unhappy and when she cries he is always there to hold her tight and tell her that everything will be ok even though to him it may be so clear that they won’t. Life without her is an impossible something to him because he realizes that she forms such a huge part of his life to the extent that without her, he just isn’t. When she says “I love you” everything in his world is ok.

Many have said that something like that is simply what it is meant to be – a fairy tale that will never come true…

… Sadly I am beginning to see what they mean and it hurts.

I’m tired of dusting myself off because my dress has simply gotten too dirty for me to still hold my head up and carry on with no hint of bitterness.
I look back on the last couple of months and I notice how they have been so enveloped around this one man. I thought I liked him but that is simply an under statement. I fell in love.

When we turn bitter, it simply means that we hold on to this one bad experience and even though we may say that we are over it, we really are not. From that point onwards what ever happens along the same line will always be graded on this one experience and no one ever is able to change that. I used to feel so sorry for woman who let things get to that stage yet… I sit here today and I have let the very same thing happen to me. I have finally turned bitter towards men and I doubt if it will be changed or should I rather say – I doubt if I will ever allow anybody to change that.

I woke up this morning and I had this fantasy running in my head where a guy who has been seeing me from a distance for a while now finally approaches me and lays it all out in the open. He tells me from the get go that he thinks I’m amazing and that he now has gathered up enough courage to come up to me and talk to me. He says he wants to get to know me better. I smile. And he says that smile is something he has seen so many times and he has lost count of how many times he has prayed that I will flash him that smile one day…..

Reality hit and I remembered that I have sworn off men for life.

So here is a fairy tale situation that automatically played in my head and here is my heart screaming ENOUGH with a loud speaker.

Looking down at my worn, dirty dress (from all the falling and dusting off) and thinking of how difficult it is for me to find, pick up and put together the pieces of my shattered heart, I unfortunately now finally give up on my idea of a happily ever after and join the masses in saying…

Fairy Tales do not exist…


Signed: a member of the real world